Dean and Jerry arguing at the open of the show before Jerry introduces his song
you did it again Virginia it's salted moldy what is this what is this I'm eating ham all right hey meow you just said that so I could hug you and make up with you I'm not gonna make up with you Shirley every time I keep on you see what you're just at the Geneva but you don't understand hell I don't understand Rock what I going on this bag I don't know – apply so I lost my edge birthday and gives a chance to kids I never heard such a thing oh I am sorry so I made a mistake I'm entitled I'm young what are you is everything up in the airport I'm a psychic talk the way I want I don't plan it it comes out that way what is all of them you you through with the words at the end of the sentence if there's a period there you don't need this anymore you would say I'm going to the corner not I'm going to corner then you really get everywhere oh you see we really can't around we don't delimited four wheels but if we wish to walk out like wanted to see where we're so happy to be wrong about that but when you're yelling the kid with the air for niggas Oh no I know mr. Colgate personally I would like to juice my partner's first number there's a very beautiful tune and it's somewhere a new picture at war with the army currently playing as many theaters oh the money he's coming out here we know anyone's write a song it's just about the nicest thing I've ever heard I was telling Sylvia last time they're trying to wonder who I think you like
From May 31st, 1953 – Jerry is a first-time steward on a plane piloted by Dean.
nice smooth takeoff captain I can check ring for this steward I'd like to have some coffee oh yeah you don't want any coffee captain Chuck I just said I'm on coffee give me some coffee if you get a load of what's gonna bring it to you you'll see what I mean oh why that new steward he looks like an idiot okay if he's an idiot this planes in trouble he ain't the sketches in trouble yeah I'm into it yes my name is hi baby everyone know hi be wick wick yes dad wants to run soon I'm gonna tell it what do you know about being a steward oh I know well about it I know you have to say food and they stare at a customer's and a passenger to make them comfy cozy and all that I know all that stuff I know everything about flying oh you want to go Happy's on a malted that's four cufflinks you'll have to tell me what the homeowner Turner was doing captain I don't know about you're sure what a kid no I can't know what to do you got to greet these people make them happy that they're here say hello be real myself you gotta agree in the fight things all right how are you get the microphone the market for microphone yes all right Jessie J oh I got it alright now that white thing I don't agree to marry wait Angela how are you Jeremy very nice gentle life so charming my charming how are you Oh No just be real nice to be a man but be very sad being man yeah welcome aboard right what do you want from me I only know one other way to talk alright well go ahead and maybe that's it now hear this no please let me try again captain let me prove my mettle know you're mad cool yeah well there's your chancel dance so alright we want to welcome you aboard flight 267 to 9q we want you to know it we'll be flying at an altitude of 19 feet now from New York to Los Angeles we hope to arrive in LA a week from Tuesday dr. three minutes to Chicago and seven days Illinois goes bow yes the elevator I don't know you have to tell me that means that you go to every individual person see if their seat belt is fastened all right is everything copy with you how's the kid murder weapon I am put this in you have to have this seatbelt fastened here we go here we go you leave the passengers along you want me to take care of the people come on yeah high chopper say come I lose that captain that's my co-pilot Oh to co-pilot you know what I was thinking I hello friend Oh captain my captain my navigator or the copilot navigator yeah the three of us we fly the ship co-pilot navigator myself okay go get the tree then at all that said quiet that's all the three of us yeah oh I see there's only three years the two fellows in you Chuck Furnham me we fly the ship well well Chuck and Greta smoking in the lounge and you're here with me captain who's watching the Stars I start talking Fred go out there having a smoke and I'm here we
From June 5th, 1955 – Dean and his “wife” hope for a nice, quiet second honeymoon. The mood is ruined when the couple is joined by an over-enthusiastic fan: Jerry.
yes madam exactly the way you planned it happy anniversary thank you thank you John now would you mind hanging up the clothes please not at all mr. Martin oh it's all right this is gonna be a real wonderful just you and I all together by ourselves a whole week just together you know wonderful darling at last honey I'm not complaining but it isn't easy being married to a movie star look this is gonna be our second honeymoon honey everything just the way you wanted your favorite flowers favorite dish veal scaloppini and matzo balls in our marriage listening yeah yeah yeah your favorite champagne this is a Achanta lusatia Chablis yeah the English translation – chef it's 1945 that was the best year it's when he left his wife all righty I'll get us a drink how about that there's nothing a little drink you know I'll have it ready for you in a second oh nothing like a scotch with a scotch chase around oh come in come in what is this the kids in town the kids in town he's waiting outside what kid what town hey kiddo won the hollywood contest you know I told you about it didn't tell me nothing oh yes I did it's a publicity stunt for you know picture the kid outsides the winner it's a free trip to Hollywood it's a tetrapod your new picture and a week's stay with this favorite movie star whoo what happens to be you do you understand that this happens to be my wife and our second honeymoon when you quit for me I get a well how are you kid what's on your mind are you here looks just like the Dewan of silver screen I'm so through success I can't even hear my heart palpitating for a second looks like it's true why didn't I smile when they you're the kids that they won the contest huh yeah I'm so excited I can't even always or what's your name Georgie Georgie Hellman yeah and I'm awful glad to be with you here this close mr. Martin mm-hmm don't go you call me Dean crawlin beam by effort please don't fake we run out of scotch I'll make it better there goes the suede I'm sorry mister mom but I'm so excited to be in your house that's all right listen is there anything you'd like you know and well the only thing I'd like I'd like to be here with you all the time maybe you'll give me an autograph so I can have it to come on time I go out a grip book would you please here's the pen I'm so excited I never thought I'd live to see this day Oh Georgie it's well to meet you Georgie and oh what a swell fellow you are we will be powerful we will always be friends together you and me Georgie I know you went to think that we can go together and be friends for you oh thank you mr. Martin I'm really thrilled to death I want to show you my book and my book hey you want to see it well not necessarily all right here it is it's my what Dean Martin doesn't use scrapbook it's really terrific look let me show you here remember when you got into the movies mr. Martin yeah and you went to the barbershop and they shaved off your moustache mm-hmm well I have it here see my mother made a tie clip I declare part of it sure well when I raise another mustache maybe she'll make me some coupling yeah it'll be a set and do you remember mr. Martin when you were walking on Broadway 1947 you're walking on Broadway you were eating a no Henry bar all those are 54th Street I'll be a son of a gun but a memory how usual way to play up a whole angry body remember and I picked it up I've been saving it ever since it melted my favorite melted maybe a but you could I have a button to my suit what are you worried about the magazine photoplay magazine always says you got thousands of suits yeah but they're all again
Burt Lancaster guest starred in this episode of The Colgate Comedy Hour with Dean Martin & Jerry Lewis. This sketch was a parody of Lancaster’s 1952 film, “Come Back, Little Sheba.”
that's not too bad hey night that's the nice thing rooms in the labs go my team we're gonna floss what about it it's not one this office to the garden oh the calla lilies in bloom again what's this where's the other pair come on what happened you fought it out he's got a nice double bed this has an inner spring mattress you're gonna be very comfortable tell me about then use them for years this hotel has every other convenience yeah two bucks take the elevator and go up thank you very much all right how about through toothbrush and we'll go to press it yeah how come I need two suitcases and you put everything in this little thing oh well that's scientific packing beam I have as much stuff as you have hello I have as much stuff as you have you see but I put it all in one bag it's all scientific you get seven my heart attack that's all the idea is when he says how do you put all the stuff in one bag I say it's scientific packing and then when I pressed it everything supposed to fly up in the air you see but unfortunately we ran short on money somewhere and couldn't get a spring all right I got the tools breakfast and the pajamas I'll bring everything Jannik holistic where are you working tomorrow the radio attention everyone we issue a warning from your local police department an inmate named doc Delaney has just escaped from the observation ward of the state institution for alcoholics Delaney is dangerous and is in constant search for a small dog known as Shiba Delaney is 6 foot 3 grey hair brown eyes and walks around calling cheeba cheeba cheeba hello Lola it's me doc dr. Laney your husband the one who didn't get the Oscar – you're such a slob now listen to me look I'm looking for she come back through the Shiva rock your teeth with so game do we wanna clean your bags it cleans your bird's face higher game well what do you say we going to bed boys these were night since we're on murder on baby you could bet your bottom dollar on that I sure am tired you can say that again you can bet your bottom dollar on that your rhythm night I put one I took those off oh well you get carried away sometimes as well never know what you're doing from this time the next hey Dean I got five toes on each foot yeah I never knowed it they're very stunning how many feet you got um how many feet I got goofy so how come this six feet in bed one two three yeah I guess you're right Jerry yeah you're right they're six feet in the bed no I just gotta make one two three four come here you know what that means yeah one of us is still in bed no no no neither am i what are you doing in my house what if how dangerous humor humor well we're your nephews Willie and Irving Scranton I'm butting up your Willie vania you know uncle George with the bad back dance Sylvia's got the busted leg yeah I am oh wait a minute tell me just rolling oh you're here Lola Lola I made a terrible mistake I usually don't behave this way you know we didn't think you look like a very nice fella call me gentle duckling I wish I could do something to show you how sorry I know it's all right could I offer you a drink no I will take you and Lolo and Lola wouldn't do a thing like that oh yes see when I saw her take it yeah yeah Lola I believe you know the boys the girl of my dream you see the boys are on a kid they don't mean any harm they just little big all right now if you're firing there that's good Lola what are you doing with that gun oh yeah you can put it together in a minute kiss me now Trinity race ahead higher higher here drink this darling she's unconscious I'll bring it to I think she feels better now speak to him I don't know what I was doing he know he was doing I was beside myself it was beside himself I'm not well these days either sick man they won't talk huh you're gonna be stopping huh okay get out make your attack we all missed you I missed you Lola missed you even Felix the Cat missed you didn't you feeling