I Lost Friends Being TOO Frugal

**I Lost Friends Being TOO Frugal**



View Time:12:36Minutes



It’s easy to get caught up being too frugal. When you goal is to become financially independent or quit a job you hate, you cant very quickly get out of hand. But you must also keep a well balanced life rather than shrink into a miserly life where you spend as little as you can in order to hoard as much money as you can. I talk about my experience with this as I have certainly stepped over the line a few times and what you can do to prevent this in the future.

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how's it going everybody this is beat the bush today I'm gonna talk about balancing frugality and actually living life now on this channel you see me go through a lot of different ways to save money and even myself that I spend very little money on everything else I try to cut on almost everything including my utilities the amount I pay for my housing costs electricity using minimal amount of water all kinds of things including using a less than premium cellphone plan not buying all kinds of new clothes not buying all the latest and greatest gadgets I kind of skip all of that so what disheartens me is sometimes when I meet subscribers I can just kind of get the sense that they are SuperDuper frugal that is what attracted them to my channel and these people can see me demonstrate that I can be frugal and yet be relatively happy at the same time but more often than not sometimes when I look at how frugal it is like it's a little bit too frugal and then I feel like oh my gosh have I been sort of conveying the wrong thing because I might be leading people down the wrong path because if you go around penny-pinching everywhere I feel like eventually it's gonna affect other parts of your life yes your bank accounts gonna grow really fast and a lot of people are really happy about it they come to me and go oh my gosh I save so and so much money but what I personally realize is that if you pinch too hard your social standing will just start to erode a little bit I do think extreme frugality could harm your relationship for example let's say you go out to movie theaters and then you go out with other people I guess maybe they're very used to just going out to the theaters and just you know buying concessions or whatever and then if you go around bringing your drinks meeting your food or something into the theatre and you are just kind of like a stand out person believe me I've done this before you are going to sort of stand out against everybody else so I say this as a sort of warning for everybody so you don't go around losing those set of friends because one hit did that I felt like I lost that set of friends and this is kind of like for me to you as kind of like a friend type of thing because from what I learned I want to like tell you what I know so that you don't fall into same kind of traps that I did so you can kind of tell how frugal I became by spending only thirteen hundred and fifty dollars every single month this is without electronics and without traveling if you add electronics and traveling together it might come out to be like twenty two to twenty five thousand dollars and this is really really low for most people so I do have to admit that in my pursuit especially after I became a youtuber I just kind of went a little bit nuts in terms of extreme frugality not as extreme as those people on extreme cheapskates right but I still feel like this kind of going down the rabbit hole you kind of go oh my gosh I save so much how can I save some more so you just go back to the drawing board and go okay let me cut here cut there cut there and then when you only have this one track mind this tunnel vision of I want to save as much as possible you start cutting in various ways and you don't realize that these different ways may actually harm your relationship with friends and family now I would say even if you harm your relationship with family sometimes you're stuck with them they just go oh my gosh you know this guy is so cheap okay maybe he goes up and down in terms of cheapness but I feel like sometimes if you just make these kind of mistakes with friends and as soon as you sort of get categorized into this oh my gosh this person is super duper cheap even with their friends then you're gonna I guess get left out so if it's not obvious already I think most people that you kind of know they are not extremely frugal if you are a frugal type of person and you only want to hang around other frugal people then this is going to limit your social network kind of because you know normal most people are not extremely frugal or even really frugal most people are just keeping up with the Joneses they're just living pretty typically right they don't have this financial independence retire early type of mind track but sometimes you still have those kind of friends you know you have a set of friends that are not SuperDuper frugal and not trying to retire very early and then you have other friends that might be also frugal and then you can you know just go all out very very frugal with everyone else for those that just kind of went down the wrong path and you're just cutting left and right and if your friends are asking you out oh you know let's go so-and-so and then you're like you know what it's a little bit too far I don't want to drive over there I don't want to go to that restaurant because it's too expensive the thing is there's a certain price to pay if you want to connect with most people yes you might have some friends that are like very very spending every single night that you spend with them might be like 100 or $200 you just have to sit down and go okay do I want to keep those kind of friends where you do have to spend a lot every single time you hang out with them or you know do you want to just go okay I'm okay if they're not in my life I have a whole bunch of other people that are more frugal that or you know more in line with the same mindset that you have in terms of finances when you have a friendship you have to think of it in terms of like a roughly equal exchange of value if let's say they treated you dinner right then it's almost expected that you have to treat them somewhat equal in value type of dinner you don't go have them treat you to like a $25 per person thing and then just go buy them McDonald's or something so this doesn't count it needs to be roughly equivalent and you know if you always go under then that's also not good either so the value don't try to like undercut it a little bit friendship is more of like an equal exchange but I do think sometimes if you feel generous yeah you can give a little bit more and sometimes you know it's probably good to you know take the first step to be a little bit generous first on the other hand you definitely don't want to be always generous because then you don't know if they are your two friends or not because if you are the one always paying for everyone right you always buy everyone dinner you don't know if they're just want to hang out with you just because you're able to pay for their dinner I feel like this might actually be very obvious to some people but from what I can assume I can only assume this and I probably fell into the same trap right sometimes when you get into this extremely frugal mode you just look at everything you just look at the price tag of everything right if you are only spending like a dollar on your meal and then you look at some twenty dollar meal you kind of like cringe on that right so I think the way to avoid this extreme frugal trap is you really want to fit in with people right if people are not bringing their own drinks or something through the theater you probably might want to lay that off unless you're going with some other people that you know agrees with you and then you can you know just do the same thing you know bring your own candies or something and on top of this is probably good to have a socializing fun I don't know how much your budget would be but I guess normal budget for the Bay Area you might do something between two hundred and five hundred dollars every month right you need some sort of budget for going to dinners you have some sort of event that you want to go to you gotta buy tickets and stuff so all of this adds up it's going to eat into how much you actually save this is gonna go against your extreme frugality where you want to save as much as possible as fast as possible and quit your job as soon as possible right so here's a fallacy over here for extreme frugality because if you push it so hard and you get there you might just kind of get there alone because in the act of being super frugal you might just a lien everybody around you so I think I have to admit whatever strategy I had might be a little bit wrong because I might not have made a video about the balance between extreme frugality or just regality right and actually living your life I did not stress this part enough and maybe some people might have just went down this rabbit hole went down the wrong path and just kind of press SuperDuper hard in terms of being really really frugal right now especially with the fire movement people are just so on top of this right they're trying to pinch pennies left and right and you have to really pick and choose how to pinch your pennies if good balance is if you're doing this in the comfort of your own home and no one really knows about this right and then outside when you interface with other people you appear to be pretty normal you don't have to wear designer jeans or anything you can just you know look decent clean and then you can still go out with people go grab a beer instead of just rejecting everyone because you don't want to spend any money on buying beers or going out to lunch so my initial theory with all of this was actually okay you want to get to fire as fast as possible so you just save like a crazy person and I believe I said this before save like a crazy person get to financial independence first retire early first and then once you're there then you can let off a little bit and just kind of increase your standard of living a little bit at a time until you are more and more comfortable but in reality I think I might have pushed it a little bit too hard myself reaching financial independence takes a long time it might take years five years six years so if you're living very miserly and I want to define this from the dictionary because you know when I looked at that word I'm like okay I gotta look it up here's a definition a person who lived in wretched circumstances in order to save and hoard money I've seen this when I met some of my subscribers when I talked to them about their circumstances sometimes whatever circumstances are live I don't want to point out anybody but there are a few I sense that their circumstances is a bit wretched because they're just pushing theirs themselves so much you're like oh I eat this and this you know it just sounds wretched okay or the proper word is miserly and I feel like this is exchanging too much of your standard of living in order to get to your financial independence faster there is a balance between pushing very hard and living you know you only live once type of thing so where do you find a balance I feel like you can find a balance as long as you try to keep your social connections you can push hard by yourself all you want but then when it comes to interfacing with other people your friends family you might have to make it so that they do not even realize that you are very frugal maybe only when they come to your house they're like oh my gosh how come you don't have any furniture how come you know you don't turn on the heat or something but you know when your guests comes over you do need to turn on the heat right so think about this being like a stealth frugal person okay no one else knows that you are frugal no one else knows that you are trying to become financially independent retire early or anything so go out with your coworkers once a week I think that's a very manageable amount of time to go to skip the $200 per night outings I feel like those kind of spending people it's just way to spend it's just not worth it because if you do this once every other week it might just derail you off your financial in the penance path so here's just a reminder that yeah I make a lot of videos about being frugal but it might be a good thing to go on a stealth frugal thing right do it so that people won't realize that you are frugal thanks for watching everybody and this video I mean it comes from my heart to you guys and because I don't want you guys to suffer in terms of some of the friends I lost because I was too frugal I I just kind of slipped up and I guess what I personally do in terms of testing myself right I push myself to the limit and then I go oh my gosh you know this doesn't work so I let off a little bit I come back a little bit so because of my experience I went a little bit too far I'm here to warm you guys don't go too far with this don't forget to give me a like on this video comment down below let me know what you think of finding a balance and I know if you guys are pushing a little bit too far in frugality let me know if you're getting a little bit influenced by this video let off a little bit being too frugal and as always don't forget to push that subscribe button and ring that Bell icon thanks for watching

37 thoughts on “**I Lost Friends Being TOO Frugal**

  1. MsPerfectly Imperfekt

    I have no choice but the frugal path.. so these fakers can feck off. Lol. Friends shouldnt be counting how much money they spend. Its best to give without expecting anything in return so that you wont be disappointed.

  2. MsPerfectly Imperfekt

    😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂👌👍 you cant lose true friends. Maybe they were fake friends. Anyway, you gained a friend in me. Love the pho recipe♥️♥️ you have lovely skin by the way… must be the good karma from good living.

  3. Daniel Ma

    When friends and colleagues say I’m frugal, I just tell them I’m just frugal with myself but generous with others which is true. That usually shuts them up 😂

  4. Herbivorous Cyborg

    If someone stops being friends with you because you do things like sneak food into theaters, then I think that says more about the quality of those particular friends. Wouldn't it be better to spend time with people who aren't so judgemental or who even share similar values? There are a lot of ways for people to react to seeing you do things like that, and I think it's better to replace people who offer negative reactions with people who offer neutral positive reactions. As you said, that will limit your social network, but people limit their social network intentionally all the time. If someone is judgemental towards me in regards to other aspects of my life, I would treat it the same way. I personally don't care about fitting in and believe quality is preferable to quantity when it comes to friends. I would literally rather have 0 friends than have 20 friends who judge me for being frugal.

  5. MrHoppers002

    jokes on them you're retired, they still have to go through the rat race.
    winner: beatthebush

    also friends that aren't at least more open minded to your financial genius should probably be let go of. They weren't really your friends in the first place.

  6. Rumple Stiltskin

    You became frugal because of your familial Chinese culture. I am assuming that you are at least second generation but first generation born here. Yep, you finally realized that being too frugal is actually being cheap. There are no amount of excuses for being cheap, because being so involves fear of the lack of resources. If your salary is so low, that you can barely afford the bare necessities then you must be frugal, such as having a house or rent payment, as well as all the other payments such as insurance payment, car payment, water and utilities, AND FOOD….ETC.

    My other half is Vietnamese and it is also part of their culture, but it soon turns into being a hoarder with the excuse that you may use that item down the road, yeah like ten years down the road. If you go out with friends and they all order dinner and all you order is a glass of water then you are being too cheap. If you are truly not hungry then turn down the request unless you explain your position before hand. If you always wait to be invited out to dinner so the inviter is obligated to pay, then you are being too cheap, or if you never invite others out to dinner but when you do suggest such, expect them to all pitch in to pay when it was not discuss beforehand is being too cheap.

    FRUGAL is a word used to hide just how cheap you have become. You look like a man who is educated and should have a good job. Do you? Stop looking at frugality as if it is an honorable trait. You may be able to convince a frugal person that you are as well, but to most others you will appear "CHEAP" and they will avoid you like the plague !!!

  7. lynn novak

    I love your tips on how to be frugal. My mom owned a dry clean shop and she used to tell me that the people that use her service should not use it to begin with. First off, they're not well off or rich or anything. Second, they spend the money (which they don't have a lot of) to dry clean their outfit. They can buy clothes that do not require dry clean. They can also wash, dry, and iron things like shirts, pants, and skirts. She used to tell me: "A dollar saved is a dollar earned".

  8. daniel williams

    If you're not rich, you should be frugal. For example, I know this couple as friends. They're renting and want to own their own home (some day). But if I look at their life style, husband and wife both drive new cars. Each also has new phones, new laptops, latest tablets, flat screen TVs …etc. Without being fugal or should I say without a frugal lifestyle, I don't think this couple will ever make it.
    Perhaps to be more concise and to clarify things a little bit so that it does not sound cheap. Everyone should watch their budget. Everyone should be aware of their money and manage it well. The couple that I gave as example earlier wants to buy their home. But their spending habit and lifestyle prevent them from achieving that dream.

  9. Fitness Jeff

    You didn't lose anything. Relationships with shallow (douche-baggish) sheep will fade away. Sprinkle in generosity and helping those in need on the path of frugality… and never a miser. You can be frugal with expenses and enjoy the abundance of time, opportunity and resources of today and tomorrow. Volunteer in your community, give away stuff, donate online, fund things, small amounts, one time donations and volunteering your time. You'll probably meet the kind of people you'd rather call friends. Great video and keep up the work! What kind of camera filmed this? PS…Bro ya gotta decorate. Go to Goodwill. (:

  10. SundaysChild1966

    $200 – $500 a month .. for going out .. choking on her water .. yes, water .. from the tap .. from my well .. lol

  11. Jerry Cooke

    You kinda got it wrong. Live life to its fullest. You're trying to use limited funds. I'm a sailor. Often have to do so. Its better to work the other way and have the ability to make whatever money you need. That means getting more skills. Your never broke if you can fix a wall or toilet or computer or business. If I need money I can choose what I want to do. And for the price I want as I'm very good at all I do. Which brings up standards and reputation: a whole different set of ideas. Freedom does not come from frugality…it comes from ability.

  12. SouLoveReal

    THREE LEVELS of frugal living: #1) Live WITHIN your MEANS; or, #2) Live BELOW your means, but WITHIN your NEEDS; or, #3) SLAP the HELL out of every DOLLAR, and SQUEEZE BLOOD out of very COIN. To which I say, "No. Live comfortably and smartly WITHIN your means. If not, then sooner or later you will burst at the seams and go on a spending-deprived wasteful spending spree." Dear B-T-B Dude. Thanks again.

  13. Janelle Anderson

    Real friends will not judge you, real friends will not require you to "fit in". Insecurity will cause you to be someone your not. Stop trying to impress people and be yourself!!

  14. CSI

    Take away: budget for an investment in friendships. That’s balanced. No man is an island. You are so awesome for sharing this. It’s never too late to make new friends just harder as you get older. 😏

  15. tutu07777

    Money is ever present in a lot of the things we do in modern society. A frugal person should never say "I don't want to spend the money." I think the friend will see the frugal as a person obsessed with money when we know it's not an obsession with money but the happiness from retiring early. Instead recommend something else to do that's lower in cost or free!

  16. KassKass

    If always funny or irony how there are so many relatable or like-minded people online but in real life is a total opposite. Where Are You, My People???

  17. A Zone

    Frugality equals a cheapskate. Don't be a loser. Live life and enjoy. Sharing is caring. Yes, I am a millionaire but I am not cheap.

  18. Jolsn

    I think it's fine spending a little more on other people's happiness and where it's socially appropriate. You don't always have to be completely reasonable with your spending, just most of the time.

  19. yaya14ever y

    I love my friends, I really do BUT about 6 years ago I had to stop the mindless spending. We all owned homes yet every weekend we’d spend around $150 each week on so-so restaurants. I was like, “why can’t we just chill at each other’s homes…the French do that big time?” Oh the backlash. One of my friend goes window shopping and has all of these designer clothes and bags but she also almost declared bankruptcy. (Her boyfriend saved her) My thing is if people really are your friends they should understand when you’re trying to save money and if they can’t well you may need to get some other friends.

    Edit: I think that’s why you see so many people in their 30s and 40s move away from their old friends. It’s really hard to be around people who pretend they have money. Deep debt isn’t fun and people who willfully pretend that money grows on trees are ALSO dangerous.

    Edit 2: I rarely go out to restaurants but when I do I don’t have to be cheap. I’ll order whatever I want because I know I can afford it. It’s a treat.

    Edit3: I loved this video.


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